first ever

I just ate 16 kuih mur.

Now I have iced Milo next to me.

Lecture notes all over the floor.

Finish them in a day, I am so ready. 

The internet connection has been slow. 

I have been very patient. 

If it continues to go slow. 

I for sure will complain.  

I wrote this poem. 

A poem of boredom. 

I am pretty darn bored. 

I want to play in the roundabout.  

What am I talking about? 

Sit back and relax. 

But I feel want to shout. 

Or just get me an axe.  

Last time I saw a goat. 

I know I don't have so much time. 

Eh, does this poem make sense or not? 

Who cares, because it has a rhyme! 

:) -Rahman (2008).

modern day suicide

a 19-year-old teen committed suicide live on webcam.

read: 

1. http://blog.wired.com/27bstroke6/2008/11/teen-kills-self.html

2. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article5203176.ece

lazy? here's a short review of what happened (copied and pasted verbatim from a user named "DaveV" in an internet forum):

CandyJunkie posts the amount of drugs he's going to take 
Mod[erator]s don't take it seriously 
People egg him on 
CandyJunkie posts a copied suicide note 
People keep egging him on 
He pops the pills and goes to sleep 
He breathes for a few hours, people think he's going to be alright and keep joking and trash talking on his JTV log. 
Some time later many people realize he was not moving. 
Personal details posted on Misc. by a concerned misc. request people to call the cops. 
People tell me he's a troll and nobody calls. Staberella especially is quite a huge cynic and says that he wasn't going to die on that kind of drugs, she insists nothing is going to happen and that people should just gtfo of the thread. 
Miami Police called, the people there do not take the case seriously and tell to call the sheriff of his county, and give me the sheriff's number. 
post the sheriff's number on the Misc. thread 
jjlee138 calls the Broward County Sheriff's office and speaks to them about the situation along with a couple of other people. By the time I called, it turns out 3 people had already called them about it. 
People wait for the cops to bust in on the JTV cam. 
Some people start thinking nobody called the cops, at least 5 more people call the cops, they were told the cops were on it 
25 minutes after the first call to the cops, the cops bust in. They cover the webcam 
People speculating whether he's dead or not 
At this point of time a lot of people start deleting/editing their posts everywhere. 
Friends post messages on his myspace worried about him, no response from him. 
His best friend posts a thread on the Misc. and informs the people that he's dead. 
Some people still think its a bluff"

-End-

The end of the video. A must watch:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ftF41Vo0HY

His suicide note:

candyjunkie wrote:

Ask a guy who is gonna OD (again) tonight anything 
To Whom It May Concern, 
I am going to leave this for whoever stumbles across my bookmarks later on. 
I hate myself and I hate living. I think that if someone who knows me 
reads this they will know who I am. So I will leave this unsigned. I am 
an a@#hole. I have let everyone down and I feel as though I will never 
change or never improve. I am in love with a girl and I know that I am 
not good enough for her. I have come 
to believe that my life has all been meaningless. I keep trying and I 
keep failing. I have thought about and attempted suicide many times in 
the past. I used to think of my failure as some mystical way of telling 
me that I was really meant for something meaningful. The only thing I 
dread, besides the pain, is the way my family will suffer. I do not want 
my mother or father to think that it was anything they did that lead me 
to kill myself. I never really had any plans of leaving a note. I 
thought that I would not be able to describe why I want to do this and I 
am right. There is no way to tell you or anyone else why I dread every 
new day. My father had such high expectations for me and tried to give 
me every opportunity to improve upon myself. I let him down. I think 
that I am a major disappointment to him. I have a job but I?m always broke 
and I am in college but barely, I show up to class but that?s about it. 
I want my life to end. I am tired of f@#$ing up everything. I 
am tired of people always telling me that they do not like me. I am 
tired of trying to be decent. I hope that someone finds this post and I 
hope that my parents know that I f@#$ed up not them. It is my fault I 
screwed up my own life. 
The hate that rages within me, rages not for those I love so dearly or 
those who have crossed my path. 
This hate rages full force towards me and only me. 
I have long forgiven those who've hurt me, but I have not and cannot 
come to terms to forgive myself for the things I have done to myself, and 
the things I've done to hurt those in my life. 
You have all touched my life in one way or another, 
especially those whom I call family. 
I cannot tell you how sorry I am for ending my life the way I did. I 
hope that you can all find it in your heart to see it as way for me not 
suffering anymore and that I am finally at rest with myself, for being at 
rest with the guilt that constantly ate at me for so long. 
Please forgive me all for taking my own life so early. I tried so hard 
to fight against this strong battle. I have reached out for help so many 
times, and yet I believe, I was turned away because of the things I did, 
that it is a punishment I am willing to take, for I know that being who I am 
has only brought myself and others pain. 
I love you all and will forever live within the memories we created. 
Forgive me. 
Love always and forever, 
As for my signature I will leave you with a quote so that if anyone 
reads this they will know it's me, "Can?t feel pain if your dead? Just Saying"

Below is the picture of him with his girlfriend (and their son).

Suicide. A permanent solution for a temporary problem.

Bad, bad, bad.

make it bright

feeling sad? disappointed? miserable?

don't commit suicide.

think of the things that's gonna happen in the future that you think will make you smile.

look forward to it. you'll feel a lot better.

make it bright.

anomaly

i was on the roadside, waiting in the car.
while my parents were at the tamu.
i had to stay in the car. no parking space, i'd got to wait and stay.
i looked outside the windows. i saw different faces and races.
i waited while scribbling down ideas for my assignment on a piece of paper.
i looked up to the front.
i saw a white guy.
he looked like danish or swedish.
i didn't care, he's basically white.
he was in a very cool expensive attire. at least it looked expensive.
he was cleaning a car with a family inside.
he had a polisher in his left hand, a cloth in his right.
"did somebody steal his stuffs that he had to do this?"
or "is this some kind of hidden camera show?"
or "is he promoting the polisher?"

kinda weird. i decided to stop him if he went pass my car and ask what really happened. it's kinda rare. so, i had the right to do so. :D
i wish i had the time to take a picture of that moment and have u look at it.

i can have you visualize how he looked like though.

his hair looked like Morgan's. Morgan is the white guy in the picture. but Morgan's younger than the one i saw.

he was wearing the same exact outfit as Marco Tempest is wearing. Marco is the white guy in the picture. the guy i saw looked like he's around Marco's age, a bit younger though.

well, just to point out what i saw this morning.

p/s: he really did a good job. he made the car, really, really clean and shiny.

bitter taste

i was having my Honey Sauce Chicken Chop.
i was full, so i stopped eating.
it was about 4 spoons away to get the plate cleared up.
then i chattered with my friend, we chattered and chattered.
there was nothing left in my mouth except the bits of Milo I had.
when you talk, you open your mouth.
so i opened my mouth, to talk.
suddenly i felt something, it felt like it was going out from the inner part of my mouth onto my tongue.
usually you'd simply swallow it, right?
luckily i didn't, because i had an immediate feeling that it dropped from thin air.
so.
i spat it out of my mouth onto the plate.

i saw a bug.

no wonder it didn't taste that nice.

p/s: talk safely.

hidden

we find things a lot faster when are looking for it.

we find things a lot faster when we are not looking for it.

?

underrated passion

i love books. i just can't afford the time to read them.

what about you?

random post